I still believe and I still dream!
I was born and raised in Southern Africa. Today, I live and belong in the United States of America. It has been a long journey in the short 27 years I have known as my life. Let me share my journey with you.
I was born in Zimbabwe. My Mom moved out to Africa when she was only 10 years old. Her father decided to escape the industrial upheaval he faced in England by making a new life for his wife and children in Africa. It was, in my experience, a life of abundance. Dad worked the mines and paper mills, moving us around every five years or so, while Mom kept up the home and us kids.
At the age of 10 my father passed away while he lay beside my Mom. He had a heart attack. I know for years and years I wracked myself with guilt because I was mad at him that night. And I had thought to myself – I wish he would just die. And he did. I was a little innocent girl but had I really wished so hard that it actually happened? Today, I say no. This man had a history of heart disease and he had heart attacks before. I believe he was meant to pass on.
My mom went through a spiral down. Eventually she married again, a man who did not have any good intentions as far as his role of stepfather was concerned. He took advantage of what he had – in the most violating evil way a man can take something that does not belong to him. I endured his needs and wants for many years, until I graduated high school and was able to leave home.
I ran away as far as I could. I found myself in England. And in a new home. It’s place where a big part of my heart will always be. It’s the land where I finally met my biological father. A man whom I had the opportunity to share love and hope and tears and family! A great man.
This was also the land where I met the father of my son. We moved to America as soon as we found out we were pregnant. He was born and raised here and so it seemed to be the best choice. And as we settled into our new life the lights went out like an old house in a thunderstorm! He was abusive and violent. I spent many hours in the emergency room. He abused alcohol and had an affair. And so I chose to divorce him and move on with my life. Yet, it wasn’t as easy at that.
We still have a beautiful son together and so every day I work towards being neutral and being there for my son. My son is by far the most important person in my life! In 2006, at last I thought I had settled down and begun a new life. Until September 2006 on Labor Day! A man . . . a friend. . . who I invited into my home, strangled and assaulted me. Two months later I had all my teeth removed and replaced with dentures. Two months after that I was being sued by my ex-husband for full and complete custody.
During this time I was expected to go to trial and face the man who had violated my very being. Thankfully he pled guilty to four charges so I was spared from the courthouse.
A short while later, here I am. I am strong and ready to tackle a brand new life. It’s not easy, but you know what? It’s my life. . . I am responsible for it! I am going to be dammed if I let another person come along and determine that for me. I have started a new career in real estate that is only a stepping-stone for me. I am going back to Africa to house and feed the poor.
I truly believe that everything has happened for a reason!
Now, as I write this, I look I over at my beautiful fiancé who is reading an engineering book!! Oh my! He is beautiful inside as well as out. He is the other love of my life. I have three – my son, my Patrick and myself!!
And so today I look forward and move on. My past is my responsibility as strange as that may sound. No, I didn’t ask for the things that have happened, yet no one but me is keeping them here. So behind me they will go.
And hopefully through this program–Live Dynamite–so will my barriers!
Today, I didn’t expect my life to start spiraling up, but it has. I didn’t expect to make new friends, but I have. And so I am grateful. I have a new day tomorrow. And tomorrow I will have a new day after that one.
Today, I feel just a tad overwhelmed because I feel surrounded by so much energy and light and it brings me to tears!
I love that I can still believe, I can still dream and I can still write. I don’t even know how to express the deep bottomless gratitude I have for my life and the people that have come into it!
I am excited to be working towards my dream. Thank you so much for having the strength and courage to bring this into our lives.
Nicole, Minnesota
Realtor
